Life Model

How to Coach Your Clients Using the 5-Step Life Model

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The model for your life

When we’re coaching our clients, It’s good to have a process that works for every single eventuality. This Life Model is that.

Life Model thought bubblesThis coaching model breaks down exactly what happens during every single experience your client has. Everything from the time they wake up, to the time they go back to bed. Our experiences are passed through a series of filters on their way to being actioned. These filters are the same for everyone and apply to every single experience we ever have.

By mastering the process, you can guide your client to making a better, more informed decision at any moment of their lives. So, let’s get into it.

Our model, is the definition we give ourselves for the way our life works. It’s the description of how everything we experience fits into our map of our World. This model of our existence is split into 5 separate areas. And although each of them is an independent entity, our understanding of every experience passes through each of them.

The 5 sections are:

  • Facts:
  • Thoughts:
  • Feelings:
  • Behaviours:
  • Outcomes:

So, facts are exactly that. They are undisputed. They are entirely true to everyone who comes into contact with them. Examples of facts are; “I am a human”, “I use my eyes to see things”, “children are younger than me”, “you”, “me”, “male”, “female”, etc. Okay? So, to be a fact, everyone has to agree that it’s true. There can be no misinterpretation of a Fact. And remember that just because you, or I believe something to be factual, like “I can’t sing”, doesn’t make it a fact. That’s only a belief, no matter how true we think it is. Someone who has a singing voice much worse than mine, could think that I can sing (in comparison).

So, facts are undeniable items, situations, or experiences, etc. that EVERYONE agrees are true.

So, the next one is Thoughts. Thoughts, obviously, are what we think about things. The subjective things like, “that’s pretty”, “he’s ugly”, “that’s expensive”, etc. It’s a selection of words that we put together in our minds to help us make a personal judgement about something.

ThoughtsIt’s our thoughts about things that cause us the greatest number of problems. Because we often tend to attach the ‘Fact’ label to thoughts. e.g., I might take the fact that someone is taller than me. And then then decide that that person is a tall person. Although someone who is taller than them, would see them as short.

We take the fact, that a man is taller than me and we attach to it, a subjective thought. Or, what we believe to be true about those facts. ie: “that man is tall”, etc.

The third one is Feelings. Feelings come as a result of our thoughts. Feelings can also be referred to as emotions. And it’s our thoughts that cause these feelings, or emotions.

Feelings are the internal reactions to the thoughts we have about the facts. e.g., “I’m sad that that book is so expensive”, “I’m angry that driver cut me off”. So our fact, the ‘book’, gets a thought, ‘expensive’, which creates a feeling, ‘sadness’. And how we feel about something creates a behaviour, or action. Our forth area.

The behaviour is what we do as a consequence of our feeling. I’m sad because the book was expensive, so I buy a different book that was cheaper.

Which takes me to the last part, our outcomes. So, our outcome is the result of all these things working together. The final effect of the previous four things.

To continue with same example, I saw a book. I liked it and wanted to buy it, but I thought it was expensive. Because I thought it was expensive, I felt sad and decided to buy a book that I could easily afford. My outcome, or the result of these things, is I now own a book I didn’t really want because my thought about the one I wanted, convinced me I couldn’t afford it.

Our outcomes are almost always decided by our thoughts. It’s what we think about a thing that’s the decision maker. If I’d relied only on facts, I could probably see that if I had one less take-out this month, I could have bought the book I wanted. But, my subjective thought, ‘it’s expensive’, stopped me looking into it further.

This is obviously a very broad overview of the life model, but hopefully you can see how the process can be used to help your clients to see past their immediate restrictive thoughts.

Observe your thoughtsUsually, the best way to introduce something like this, is to go through this explanation of the model with them. Then, ask them to notice the way their mind makes a judgement about something they’re doing. And get them to separate the process into the five sections.

As they complete the exercise more often, they become much more aware of the way they’re making decisions. Once they understand how the decisions are being made, they’re in a much better place to consciously change those decisions, into ones they’d rather have.

They will learn to deliberately choose their thoughts, which will ultimately result in a much better outcome.

We have developed a Coaching Tool for this particular exercise. If you’d like to check it out, you can find it in the store.

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